The Closet Cliche
by ho.wide.world
Summary: Two ninjas making out in a closet in Konoha is such a norm its almost cliché, but what happens when Konoha's biggest big mouths indulge in their own cliché. [NaruIru]


**Summary:** Two ninjas making out in a closet in Konoha is such a norm its almost cliché, but what happens when Konoha's biggest big mouths indulge in their own cliché.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own a thing.

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**The Closet Cliché**

_Umino Iruka was used to public humiliation, hell when he was a child he enjoyed being the centre of attention (he still does). Whether it was being the first to master a new technique, which wasn't very often or making the fool of himself by placing stink bombs all over the village. However, now that he was thirty-one years old he thought these spectacles would come to an end... simple enough, he thought wrong. _

_The mocking eyes, the smirking faces not only from his peers but from his students as well... really, not only was this ALL Naruto's fault but Kakashi-sensei and Jiraiya-sama's as well, they encouraged the little idiot to read those filthy books and now look what happened. _

_Perhaps we should start from the beginning. _

:p:

"Thank the Gods, for recess." an exhausted teacher sighed as he walked down an empty hallway. The ninja brats had decided to indulge in one of their favourite past-times _'Lets run for the hills and let Iruka-sensei catch us'_. Well they had been caught and herded into the playground like sheep... sheep that were all tied together with rope not meant to damage the skin but to restrain; they would have learnt how to untangle themselves if they had stayed for the lecture.

"Just six months, three weeks and four and a half more days till summer." Iruka muttered as his spine tingled and his jaw set in determination. The chuunin was already hooking his pinkie finger through the hole on his kunai while he nestled a fine length of wire between his thumbs and index fingers.

His attacker was good as he knocked them into a closet but clumsy as his position allowed the chuunin to wrap the wire around his assailant's nec-- "Naruto!" the man yelped as the blonde jounin coughed and began to turn an interesting shade of blue in the cheeks. "What... what are you doing sneaking up on me?" Iruka yelled his strangle hold still in effect as Naruto snorted to get the man to finally let go. Iruka noted that his face was beginning to take on an odd colour of purple just under his eyes.

The fox faced man sniffed and quickly closed the door to the closet as he eyed his former teacher. "What was that for?" he whined and rubbed his neck, exaggerating the pain. The strangle hold was nothing compared to the time he had once eaten Sakura's home-made lunch specifically meant for her dear _Sasuke-kun_, the right hook she gave him landed him unconscious in the hospital for two days.

"Why'd you sneak up on me, is this another one of your jokes?" Iruka accused and already donned the unimpressed teacher face; his arms crossed.

"No." Naruto answered quickly, his lips quirked into a foxy grin.

"Naruto, I've told you again and again, there's a time and place for this and now is not one of them. I just had a tiri--" the teacher ceased his rant as the twenty year old jounin placed a small peck on his lips who was rewarded with the desired goal of Iruka shutting up.

The younger of the two ninjas placed his hand on his lover's brown cheek and smiled, "I'm not up to anything, really," he lied of course; he definitely was up to something, as he rubbed Iruka's cheek. "I just wanted to be near you, we've both been so busy lately." Naruto sulked and added a little sniff to the end of his sentence and widened his blue eyes as large as he could.

"_Oh_, Naruto, " Iruka raised his hand as if to ruffle the jounin's head in forgiveness, "Cut the CRAP!" he shouted and smacked his hand on the younger man's skull. "I just had a bad morning with those little snot-nosed hellions, I don't need you making it worse." the man growled as he cast his incensed hazel eyes on the youth but suddenly gawked, his nose felt as if it were on fire as a blush spread across his cheeks.

"_Owwiie_. You didn't have to hit me _that _hard Iruka-_sen-sei_!" Naruto sang, as he batted his eyelashes at his lover, with his display he allowed his lover to take in his very female and very nude form. "_Hmmm_, no effect." In his guise, Naruto giggled and shook his pig-tailed hair, wincing again when Iruka bopped him harshly on the head. With a _poof_ of smoke the blonde was back to his normal shape.

"You cut that out," the chuunin snarled as he pinched his nose together, "Now what are you up to Naruto and no more of your stupid stunts. I'm not in the mood and recess is almost over." Iruka said as he grabbed a strand of blonde hair and gave it a small tug.

Naruto sniffed, not too concerned with the threat and stared Iruka in the eye. The brunette wrinkled his nose and the blonde could tell that his lover's patience was being stretched thin. The jounin offered his lover a slit eye smile as he took a few steps forward. He managed to back Iruka soundly into the wall. They were pressed so close together the pouches on their vests touched and then compressed.

"Have you guessed what I'm up to yet, Iruka?" the blonde whispered, well as much as Naruto could whisper anyway and with that he sealed his lips on Iruka's neck. He could feel finger's dig through his hair and another warning tug. The twenty year old retaliated by biting down on the wet flesh and was rewarded with a suppressed moan. "That's more like it; this is how it should go."

"How what should go?" the Academy teacher gulped as he contemplated tilting his head back so that the younger man could get to a spot he always favoured. Iruka did and regretted it as he clocked his head on the wall of the closet. He stepped on Naruto's foot when he heard the softest of snickers against his neck.

"Iruka so mean... I wasn't laughing really. Besides isn't it nice, us, finally sharing a closet of our own." the blonde purred and nipped the chuunin on the chin. Iruka gave him a perplexed look; his brow quirked and nose wrinkled. "Oh come now, haven't you noticed during a party, or during Tsunade-baba's boring meetings at least two ninjas sneak off towards an empty closet?"

"Naruto, what in the world are you talking about?" the brunette questioned and the jounin felt his spine stiffen just a bit as Iruka's irritation was coming back in full force.

"_Hn_, _hn_ you know, think of it as an age old romantic date spot." Naruto tapped the brown skinned man on the nose. "Most of the ninjas we know have done it and not with the same partner mind you, almost as if there are cosmic forces pairing everyone up to depict some sort of cheesy story."

The elder of the two ninjas blinked and gave his superior a push, "Naruto, I told you not to read those nasty books Kakashi-sensei and Jiraiya-sama keep giving you... at your age there is nothing wrong with reading erotica but those books are nothing but trash." Iruka nagged as the blonde shook his head fiercely in denial. The chuunin clicked his tongue and slid his hand over Naruto's bottom till he found his pouch. After two very masculine squeaks, Iruka waved a copy of _Icha Icha Poke-her Night_ in front of its owner's slack jawed face.

"How'd that get in there?" Naruto laughed and scratched behind his back, his eyes narrowed into slits to further his feigned confusion. Iruka sniffed and rewarded his lover with a very dry look. "Iruka," the jounin whined and latched onto his subordinate's waist. Naruto was rebuffed with a glare and with a sigh the jounin released his hold. "Fine," the man pouted and to Iruka's horror he took out a very tattered and dog-eared copy of _Icha Icha_ _Paradise_, "This is Kakashi-sensei's copy, he gave it to me when I got the position of jounin."

"I'm leaving; recess should have been finished a few minutes ago." Iruka sighed and prodded Naruto to the other side of the small closet. With a shake of the head, Iruka placed his hand on the doorknob and Naruto placed his hand on his lover's wrist. "Naruto." the chuunin stressed as the blonde urged him away from the door.

"Don't leave, you always say we need to spend some more time together beside stuffing our craws at Ichiraku, and this is perfect, _hn_, _hn_." the jounin reasoned as he snuggled his whiskered cheek against his former teacher's skin.

The Academy teacher sighed gruffly and knocked his head into the younger man's cheek. "Naruto, I have to get back to the kids, they probably learned their lesson by now..." Iurka trailed off, "... and besides we can't just... just fool around in a closet." the chuunin reasoned quite lamely as he made the fatal mistake of looking deep into the youth's loving blue eyes. "Can we?" he squeaked.

Naruto grinned the man's resolve was crumbling and with a nod he guided the chuunin away from the door and into the small interior of the closet. "Of course we can, two ninjas in a closet together is a norm in Konoha, practically a _cliché_." the blonde reasoned as he peppered quick kisses across the teacher's cheekbone and ended the spiel with a lick on the nose. "It's so normal that's its even a common scene in the _Icha Icha_ Seri--"

As if splashed with cold water and then clubbed with falling ice cubes Iruka stiffened, "_Icha Icha_, huh, that really doesn't help Naruto." he growled as he moved towards the door and tensed when he felt a teasing hand rubbing between his legs. The chuunin gulped, "Let... let me guess, this is part of the cliché too." the teacher choked as his blonde lover nodded and tugged at his _not-so-soft-anymore_ length.

Umino Iruka was caught in a dilemma, on one hand he is a responsible teacher entrusted with the future ninjas of Konoha, hog-tied somewhere in the Academy training fields probably hungry or scared... or furious and out for his head. And then the other side, he and his lover stuck close together in a closet. The brunette huffed he may be a teacher but he was _still_ a red blooded man.

"Just... just make it quick." the chuunin pleaded and ran his hand roughly through his hair, undoing his ponytail and forehead protector.

Naruto sunk to his knees and curled his fingers so that he hooked both his lover's pants and boxers in his fingertips. "Don't worry, it's _always_ quick." he teased as he tugged the clothing down his knees. "Ow!" the blonde gasped as he placed his hand on his red jaw where Iruka hit him.

"What do you mean by quick?" the brunette asked his voice sounded as if he were ready for fight as he glared down at his lover.

Naruto bit his fingers into his lover's hip and then dragged them down between his legs, "_Hehehe_, I was just joking." he apologised and nuzzled his face on the man's thigh. He gave the Academy teacher an amused look, "Besides I thought you had to get back those snot nosed hellions?"

"Oh... shut it."

:p:

Mitarashi Anko stormed all over Konoha, her brown coat knitting at the shoulders as she began to hunch her back. '_When I find that fox brat...'_ she trailed off as she hissed through her throat and decided to barrel down the interiors of the Ninja Academy. She knew the kid just loved to pester his Dolphin sensei. Her honey eyes widened as she saw the infamous Copy Ninja himself lazing against a wall beside a closet. "Oi, Kakashi, you see that Naruto, he promised me a box of dangoes for coveri--" the woman was silenced as Kakashi offered her a dour look and raised his hand for silence. "What?"

The silver haired ninja beckoned the snake woman closer with a clipped gesture and Anko noted that for once he wasn't reading one of his books, however she lost interest in that fact when she heard something from within the closet. Anko gulped and resisted the urge to press ear against the door... not that she had to really, the voices were quite _loud_, for two people being _naughty_ in a closet.

"Who?" she asked her comrade as a smirk began to curl upon the tip of her lips.

"My former student Naruto and his uptight lover, Ir--" the lackadaisical jounin was cut off as the special jounin cut in, her eyes the size of saucers.

"Iruka." she said as she looked at the door and then the older man. She found it hard to believe even though she heard the evidence, but Iruka always had the air of a prude.

"Well I guess Naruto has him all loosened up and soft an-- they sure are loud." Anko observed, as most of the moans were easy to hear even with the distance she had between the door and herself. The dark haired woman shrugged, "Makes sense I suppose being Iruka and Naruto..." she trailed off and plopped down on the floor to get comfortable, seems like she was going nowhere.

"Two of Konoha's biggest big mouths _playing_ in a closet." Kakashi smiled, the mask crinkling at the sides. From countless exposures to both of them, from Naruto's brash and loud whoops of victory during a mission or Iruka snarling at him for popping up uninvited, both ninjas were not suited for silent jobs. The Copy Ninja didn't even think about reaching for his book as he got even more comfortable against the wall, _'This will be very interesting.'_

:p:

Iruka could barely keep himself up as his knees wobbled. His hand curled into the yellow tresses of his lover's head as the jounin turned mischievous blue eyes on him. Neither was aware of the noise they were making and not to mention the mess.

"You seem to be enjoying yourself, _sensei_." Naruto teased as he took a break from sucking to offer his man a foxy grin.

The brunette blinked and offered Naruto a bland stare and with a sniff, "Finish what you started." he growled and pushed the blonde back towards his groin.

And once again Iruka was enveloped in wet heat, his mouth forming a trembling _'o'_ as he puffed strangled moans from his bitten lips.

:p:

"And Iruka-sensei left the entire lot of your class and didn't come back you say?" Shinraui Genma questioned as he tromped through the hallways of the Academy; a brat held his hand while a man wearing shades had two stowaways glued to his leg.

"Yeah, yeah, Iruka-sensei just left us," the young boy sniffled as he pointed miserable eyes up at the sandy haired special jounin. "He usually comes back... did something happen to him?" the kid muttered his two classmates attached to Aoba's legs sniffled at the thought of their loud but favourite but still very loud teacher hurt.

"Well the lives of a ninja _are_ dange--" Aoba was interrupted thankfully by Genma, honestly the spectacled jounin had no sense with words, and he still remembered that Sasuke and Itachi mishap.

"What Aoba means is that Iruka-sensei was probably summoned by the Hokage or he..." the special jounin trailed off as he saw a group of people just standing in the hallway by a custodial closet. _'How odd.'_ Genma thought as he saw a few of the people pinching their noses or rubbing away the flush in their cheeks.

And Genma soon learned why because that's when he heard a mix between a groan and a croon that asked for more. The special jounin looked down at the boy he still held by the hand and quickly deposited him to Aoba who was still a meter or two down the hall. Quickly coming back he spotted Kakashi who was lounging quite comfortably by the closet.

"What... what's going on here, Kakashi?"

"The fox cheapskate and Iruka are having their own private meeting, in there." Anko answered cheekily as she smiled up at the jounin who began to gnaw on his needle.

"Well why are you all sitting here? Why haven't you stopped this?" Genma yelled not too concerned with being heard by the two ninjas who were expressing their love in the closet; they were plenty loud enough.

The group of people huffed and looked at their feet for an answer; well the ones with strong ethics did anyway, and with groan of: _'Oh Naruto'_. Genma shut up and took his place by Kakashi lounging comfortable on the wall and swirled his needle with his tongue... after he pressed his legs tightly together

:p:

Rubbing, grinding, gyrating... it was all too much as two slick organs brushed against each other. Naruto grunted as his lover pinched his nipples and he retaliated by biting into the teacher's neck. Naruto frowned as he felt a bit of pain in his temple where Iruka hit him again, it seemed he had bitten too hard or perhaps sucked too much as there was another hickey on the chuunin's neck.

The blonde swallowed an _'Iruka your mean'_ and instead opted to grab his man by the thighs and lift him up. The brunette crashed his back hard into the wall, so hard both Kakashi and Genma felt the vibration.

"I... I knew this was a good idea, how could I the future Hokage of Konoha be anything but wrong." Naruto crowed and buried himself within his lover.

:p:

"And how long have they been in there?" Tsunade-hime asked, her arms crossed and her brows knitted in irritation. By now a large mass of people were littered around the bustling and noisy closet. "I said how long have they been in there?" the Hokage echoed as the crowd stiffened from head to toe. Kakashi snorted while Tsunade threw him an unimpressed look.

"Now, now Tsunade-hime," an openly perverted Frog Hermit piped up, pen and paper in his hands as he took notes for his next _project_. "Nothing wrong with two ninjas, expressing their love for one another... even if they're both men" Jiraiya grimaced as the crowd gave a unanimous nod and gulped when twin moans rattled the closet door. "Besides," the white haired Sannin sidled up close, well as close as he would dare to the woman, "You seemed pretty interested when you were spying from around the corner five minutes ago."

The Hokage flushed and brought a fist up to her mouth to hide her cough, "Well I suppose we'll just wait for them to finish." she sniffed and took everyone's silence for agreement, "Then we'll find a suitable punishment for both of them... and why are these children still here!?

_Her only answer was two very sated screams of passion and the final beats of lovemaking. _

:p:

"That... that wasn't too bad." Iruka admitted as he tried to quell his beating heart and shaking limbs. He and the blonde slid to the cool floor, satisfied and still _together_. "You still with me, Naruto?" the elder of the two asked and his only response from the jounin was a grunt and a weak thrust. _'Did he blank out?'_ The Academy teacher pondered as he poked the man's whiskered cheeks to get his attention, "Naruto, your still insi-- back off will ya."

The fox faced man snorted and reluctantly and sluggishly did what was asked, "_Hnnn_, you sure know how to ruin a moment." the jounin yawned and wobbled onto his feet. He offered the scarred nose man his hand, "And you wanted to get back to the kids." Naruto laughed and pouted when Iruka knocked his hand away

"I thought I told you to shut it." the chuunin muttered with no heat behind his words as he got up on his own two feet and re-did his pants, grimacing at the cool feel in his boxers and vowed to take a quick shower right after school.

"I also remember you telling me to go har--" Naruto ceased his teasing when his lover clicked his teeth in a warning and began to fix his ponytail. The blonde sighed and fixed Iruka's hair for him as a peace offering.

The Academy teacher didn't need the help but allowed it anyway as he scratched a white streak off of the blonde's cheek and nodded when satisfied with his appearance. "I still think you should get rid of those books... Kakashi's too if you can." the chuunin added as he zipped up his vest.

"But there are so many more clichés we haven't tried yet, the office of a boss for one." the jounin offered as he straightened his forehead protector and grabbed his lover's hand. With a rub to the chuunin's palm he placed his other hand on the doorknob and turned.

"I suppose you're suggesting Tsunade-sama's offi--" Iruka promptly shut up and almost tripped over his own feet when he saw the assembly of people before his very eyes. The academy teacher nearly slipped to the ground and harshly gripped his stupefied lover's arm. _'This... this must be a dream. This HAS to be a dream.' _Iruka thought frantically as he squeezed Naruto's arm in anger, hoping he could hear at least one _pop_ to jolt the man from his stupor.

The Godaime rubbed the blush from her doll like face and stormed towards the two of them, hand on her hip and chin held high, "My office, huh, so what type of explanation will I be receiving from you two?" she asked, her jaw set. Receiving no answer from a paralysed Naruto and a trembling Iruka she continued, "What were you two think--." she stopped her rant as both ninja's blanched and fell over in a heap.

As if also awakening from a post orgasmic haze the crowd seemed to disperse with a limp and realised they had lives of their own to run, but the moment would not be forgotten. Iruka and Naruto would know hell the moment they left the safety of their homes for endless teasings and jokes. Soon the couple was left only with the Hokage, Frog Hermit and the Copy Ninja.

The leader of Konoha sniffed in annoyance, she wanted to yell some more and settled with kicking Naruto as lightly as she could in the side and walked off, she had better things to do... after a very cold shower.

"What else could you expect from Konoha's loudest people?" Kakashi muttered as he stretched his back and contemplated taking out to read an Icha Icha book or perhaps he should borrow Naruto's _Icha Icha Poke-her Night_ he bought the blonde for his last birthday.

Jiraiya had his hand on his chin in thought and nodded. "Forgive me brat," he said as he looked at Kakashi. "I was thinking about giving this to you but after all the ideas these two gave me, I suppose the kid deserves it." the Sannin reasoned as he took out his first printed _Icha Icha Circus_ and tucked it into the blonde's vest.

Iruka groaned and rubbed his face deeper into the floor.

_And with that the Closet Cliché came to a close. Naruto Uzumaki earned the latest of the Icha Icha series free of charge and a very incensed lover who would not speak to him for a month._

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**Author's Rant:** _Tada _and here's my Naruiru story without the angst and nothing but crack and jokes. I would like to say a very special THANK YOU to Alka-Setzer for betaing this puppy. I'm working on another Naruiru story, I'm just patching it together so keep an eye out for in the future and yes folks it's not a one-shot. I also posted another Naruto story listed under, strangely enough H. Kisame and Iruka U. (my deep blue sea OTP… yeah this is selfish promotion) go check it out if you always wanted to see those two characters in a story together. Thanks for reading my rant. 


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